


I Would Come Back From The Dead To Defend You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Monologue, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-24
Updated: 2012-03-24
Packaged: 2017-11-02 11:40:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set on the Veil, before any troll deaths. </p><p>Karkat finds the strain of leadership to be too much, and Kanaya comforts him, which develops into her observations on the other trolls. A monologue in Kanaya's voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Come Back From The Dead To Defend You

Karakat, listen to me. It is all right to be scared. We are _all_ scared. You want to be the leader. You want to protect your friends. But you are scared you are not strong enough, not good enough. And, Karkat, that is fine.

 

Look at our friends. Do you believe that none of them feel just as you do right now? I have been speaking to everyone, watching everyone. We are all scared, Karkat.

 

Aradia had no emotions for a long time. I think her... obsession with endings was caused by her acceptance that she could never return to the girl she was. Now she lives again, but her fascination with death has not changed. I think that she is afraid to embrace her life before the Incident, because the memories will be painful.  Aradia cannot move on, because she is afraid to face her past. Killing Aradia, especially under the control of another, deeply scarred Sollux. He is afraid of his own power, and what would happen if he was to lose control. This is why he pushes people away, why he can be aggressive or insular by turns. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone else.

 

Poor Tavros is terrified that he might say or do something that would lose him his friends. I do not know if you noticed at the time, but the loss of his motor functions caused his anxiety to worsen. Tavros is afraid of being alone, bound by his disability, tethered to the ground while we all fly away. He is happier when with Gamzee, who seems to judge no one. But Gamzee... anyone who spends so much time out of their own head, might be afraid of what they have to return to.

 

Nepeta hides her true feelings, devoting her time to the relationships of others before her own. She seems happy, but where we are now is so far from her little cave on Alternia. She continues her Shipping Wall and clings to Equius, because these are the last remnants of a life she has lost forever. This pressure causes Equius to feel he must remain strong for Nepeta’s sake, meaning he has to support them both. He is terrified that he will not be strong enough to keep his moirail safe, and they are both scared of the prospect of living without the other.

 

Vriska. Yes, even Vriska is scared, and with good reason. She is not stupid. She knows that, one day, she will go too far, if she has not already. I think she realises that, soon, she will pay for what she has done, and I would not be surprised if it is one of her victims that serves her comeuppance.

 

Justice is imperative to Terezi, and I believe this is because she needs it to exist. She needs to know there is something, somewhere, that measures Right to Wrong, and that people who sin will be met with the force of Justice. And recent events have shaken that belief. Terezi doesn’t know whether or not there is any order, any balance, any _justice_ in the universe, and this has unbalanced her.

 

Our seadwellers have it little better, now that their blood does not merit them privilege. Eridan is _desperate_ for people to respect him... even though his demeanour is insufferable at times, when I look at him I can see a terrified boy, hiding behind his jewellery and cape and other marks of rank, who had felt the order of existence shift under his feet. Feferi’s enthusiasm is false, and I feel it always has been. Her interest in nursing the sick back on Alternia was limited to beings that required no aid. She was then, and is now, under the pressure of her blood and rank to never be seen to fail despite her protests, so she is afraid to stretch herself.

 

The Game has caused me to rethink my definition of “hero”. We are all heroes, but heroes are not like the characters in books. They are flawed, and scared, and go on because going back would be so, so much harder, if not impossible. The only difference between a hero and a coward is that a hero continues on, long after a coward would have given up. You are a hero, Karkat.

 

_What about you, Kan? What are you afraid of?_

 

I... well. I am afraid of failing you all. I have the Orb to protect, and that does wear on my mind, but above that... I am afraid of failing to protect my friends. And especially you, Karkat. I do not know why, but I have always felt it is my... duty, to care for you. As if it is something that I was hatched to do. I suppose it sounds silly. But as of late, I have been growing anxious. Like something is going to happen, and I won’t be there to protect you.

 

Karkat, I swear to you, I will always be here for you. I would come back from the dead to defend you. You know that, yes?

 

_I know, Kanaya._

**Author's Note:**

> Considering voicing this for a video, if I can find a Karkat for his two lines. If any Karkat VA's are interested, drop me a message. ^-^


End file.
